the things i do..
i always end up hurting myself.
curiosity kills bozonut.
you wanna know something?
my heart just died.
over & over again.
maybe this time..
even the best doctor can't save me anymore.



i did all i could to have many 1sts with you.
& then.
i found out those 1sts were not yours.
i was already so so late.
& i stoopidly think they were.
if you look back at your past?
are you sure this is still the best r/s you ever had?

这街上太拥挤 太多人有秘密　
玻璃上有雾气在被隐藏起过去
你脸上的情绪 在还原那场雨　
这笑容太过弯曲走不回故事里
这日子不再绿 又斑驳了几句　
剩下搬空回忆的我在大房子里
电影院的座椅 隔遥远的距离　
感情没有对手戏你跟自己下棋

还来不及
仔仔细细
写下你的关于
描述我如何爱你
你却微笑的离我而去

这感觉
已经不对 我努力在挽回
一些些
应该体贴的感觉 我没给
你嘟嘴
许的愿望很卑微 在妥协
是我忽略 你不过要人陪
这感觉
已经不对 我最后才了解
一页页
不忍翻阅的情节 你好累
你默背 为我掉过几次泪 多憔悴
而我心碎你受罪 你的美
我不配

brreak time!

oh gosh good news.

i tink i'm working on the project alone.

& it makes me very happy! =D

though i'm trying very hard to understand which pin goes to which.

and whether the circuit works.

omagod soldering's so much easier!

ytd at ah ma hse it was so noisy!

& everything's just so funny.

the conversations and the jokes cracked by them cousins.

omagod especially gene that nonsense guy.

sheesh.

his blonde jokes are so damn funny.

& THNX for that comment on my friendster huh, cuckoo.

hmm..

after much thought.

i still love an honest man. =)

when i don't trust, it could just mean i'm right.

my intuition hardly fails me.

i can tolerate a lil' bad attitude, a lil' mistreat, a lil' heckcare.
but a lie?
it stays with me for as long as it takes.
and it doesn't rock.
at all.
it's CHEATING.
& lil' miss bozonut herre don't tolerate cheatings.

i mean..

what's a r/s without truth?

i wonder.

okay enough thoughts for the day.

i need a lil' nap before i get back to working on my breadboard.

kinda random now but..

i hope i clinched that deal at work!

*crosses fingers*

i'm in class!

my pd2 to be exact.

the unlucky ting: same group as shawn omagod.

the lucky ting: he's working so i'm doing it all alone.

the whole big room to myself!

i'm lyke blasting step up 2's soundtrack & it rocks!

what a happy girl =)

being alone no longer makes me feel lonely.

in fact, i realli miss some ppl in my life.

namely, my favorite aunt & my mom.

kinda miss the days the whole family will hang out together on weekends.

on sunny days we'll go to farms, parks, shopping at town, bowling, etc.

at nights we'll go karaoke.

on rainy days we'll chill at my hse playing mahjong.

mommy will always make barley or green bean soup.

when she's in a good mood she'll even make dinner for the whole family!

it's lyke problems at work, in skool, in r/s no longer matter.

cos' when tis' tight-knitted family is together, it just overcome all that.

i miss the times when i argue with marcus and i'll run up to ai mei kuku's hse.

& she'll listen & cry with me.

it just feels so good to have her around cos' she's always therre.

i miss how my mom will always kiss mi goodnite every single night.

or call mi to ask mi go shopping with her.

i even miss her scolding when i'll cry cos' of marcus.

i miss how she's happy cos' i'm happy, how she's angry cos' i'm angry.

i miss her funny jokes and luffter.

i miss my noisy mom.

oh frreak.

i'm lucky to have daddy, gene & marcus.

and even luckier to have myself.

daddy will always check on me to make sure i'm alright.

but that old man has started work and is tired from work and hsework all the time.

gene will always try to walk me home from work if he can.

and say the funniest things to make me luff.

but therre's already another girl in his life.

marcus will always spend whatever time he has left on me.

brringing me out and taking the effort to make sure i don't feel insecure.

and preventing me from overspending haha.

life seems so good and i do feel lucky.

but being me..

nobody has yet to see me cry on my bed at night.

longing for that empty feeling to go away.

when it took over loneliness, it didn't felt better.

okay but i feel really blessed.

thank you.

before we werre together, he sent mi a song.

the very 1st song he sent : ne-yo's because of you.

right up till now i still don't tire from listening to it.

okay, i'm actualli listening to it now haha.

i love the beats & the lyrics.

and the highest percentage of the reason is because he sent it.

did he realli enjoyed that feeling of knowing that this girl existed?

i don't know on his part.

but on mine, i did.

yes i actualli felt that the world was wow at that moment.

yeps, his existence actually made a huge difference in my life until now.

kinda angry and upset with him sometimes.

cos' we just can't agree on certain things.

most of the arguements are on the freedom, me being too dependant, him being too independant, blahs.

and then with his realli impatient attitude i will always get scolded.

but inside that egoistic pride-ful grr-ish shell is a sensitive soul who will apologise if he knows he should.

so yea, i'm like stuck on him cos' i melt everytime his sweeter side shows.

oh god help me.

and not forgetting the many many times that we laugh at realli silly things the 2 of us did.

come to think of it, u can't always find someone whom u can luff with at almost anything.

and i realli do mean anything.

examples?

the addam's family's bowling style, everytime the armpit issue is mention, when we're in the middle of a cold war & one of us strikes during bowling and the um-chio just showed, blahs.

the um-chio always ends the war right?

it's like we just can't get angry with each other for too long.

sometimes i get angry with myself for that, that i can't be abit more stubborn and not give in.

his chipmunk teeth is not helping alot.

thanks huh.

your unconditional love that has one condition; that i love you.

the song that's playing now fits perfectly.

yes marcus, i hate that i love you so much.

sheesh.

GIMME 13 DAYS TO FIND MYSELF BACK.

since u lyke it tis' way..

FINE.

we'll do it YOUR way.

one day i'll see what a beautiful world tis' is.

actualli..

i wouldn't want it any other way.

=D

oh-no, don't go changing.

that's wat u told mi from the start

thought u were something diffrent

that's when it all just fell apart

lyke u're so perfect

& i can't measure up

well, i'm not perfect.

JUST ALL MESSED UP.

yikes i'm going back to skool today!
plus i'm still full-timing at work.
yawns~
i have to go thru this for 4 months!
okay I CAN DO IT.



i dunno wat's going on in my puny lil' brrain.
i feel lyke i dun haf enuf time for evryting.
esp. dat 1 main ting.
duh..
feeling vry effed up.
but yea.
i AM TRYING.



anw i shld trust dat my night fairy is doing her job right?
alrigt i'm talking nonsense.
buhbye.

right now i'm just feeling really down.

& may i know why?

finally he's happy.
after knowing that everything is alright.
i mean.
all that effort.
is just simply for that cute lil' smile rite? =)
& yea.
it was nothing.



i'm also just hoping that on my side herre.
things will go well.
so far all settled.
but for how long.
better call up the skool tml to see if can defer.
at least i can also keep my job.
got income.
man, sometimes i can realli feel the weight of the world on my tired shoulders.
i need a good deep tissue massage.
and the amount of stuff in my mind is lyke whoa!
i can't make a good decision.
damn, i need another brrain.
anytime.

nothing else can go wrong, can it?
i hope not.
*fingers crossed*



sometimes when i'm realli tired from tis' world.
a smile from u will do.
a genuine one.
oh, how about a lil' hug?

i dont' know what's wrong but after that day..
i can feel the total difference.
& it has been bugging me since then.
it's like..
i really don't want it to end up this way.
but i can't always kick up a fuss about it and make things worse every single time right?
i know you insisted and assured me that it will all be fine.
that everything can go back to what it was as long as i'm willing to walk with you.
could it be just me?
that i'm really afraid.
but why do i fear when you have already assured me?
or do i know that those are only just words cause lately..
it just don't seem enough.
you'll be meeting this friend that friend going out with this group that group.
all of a sudden you are so busy!
i can't even catch my breath to accept it all.
with all the little time that we already have, i still have to let go of some more.
it's like you are more prepared than me that one day if all this ends.
oh damn why am i even thinking of that?
*hammers mysellf on the head*
maybe i just don't matter to you as much as i used to.
this little girl is SO VERY TIRED.
& after saying so much..



if only i can walk away like it don't matter.

yea IF ONLY lah.



the color of the words are exactly how i'm feeling.
hmm..
i wonder if we'll get to meet tonight.

this song realli suits how i'm feeling man!

yikes.

just that it's me to you instead.

O.K.A.Y.