HAPPY HALLOWEEN ALL MONSTERS & CREATURES!!!
watta waste therre's not much celebration herre in our small lil' country.
but well... ... ...
therre's always bozo around to spook ppl!
HYUK HYUK!

i haf tis' urge.
to rent thrillers on a weekend noon.
lie on the couch.
& start SCREAMING!!
i miss it sooo much.
i used to do dat wif rene.
& dat feeling rocks.
now we are all busy ppl. =(

i frreaking miss innocence.
i miss simple life.
surviving a week wif just 10bucks.
wooot. =)
i feel so sick of the back-to-skool life.
evrywherre u go u see ppl, trends, yawns~
therre's no LIFE.
i miss old frens.
lynn, the gathering how?
i miss festive seasons.
i need L.O.V.E.!!!
i miss taking NEOPRINTS!!!
i wanna lie on the beach & count stars.
i want the sound & smell of the sea.
i want u to be therre wif mi.
i'm just so bored herre missing & wanting tings.
duh..

since i'm a lil' stuck.
i wanna post some frens' blog entries..
dat's got MI inside. =)

JOANN:
(29th oct)
today after my 10am lecture, i met anne to have lunch at the atrium. the bf was being reali sweeet. he went to buy food for both of us, while we just sat there n talk. we ate the teriyaki chicky rice & sat there laughing at lil jokes. hahaha it was so much fun. it seems like when we were in year 1. time flies, & now we are already in our last sem in ngee ann. so anyway after lunch we went for our respectively classes.
(28th oct)
today i went town wif anne. she's being so nice to accompany me to buy bahzo's burfdae pressies(:i cant say wad i bought today cuz my bahzo reads my blog. hahaha! but we went to so many places b4 getting wad i had in mind. thankew anne for being so paitent & so understanding!(: thankew for the sweeet heart w wings necklace u got me! i love our matching best friends heart ring necklace! heee! im so glad everything is going smoothly for u n ur bf! heee! oh yes! thankew for ur treat at the xin wang cafe & the watermelon juice! heee! oooh! i just rmbed u wanted to take neoprints but we forgot in the end! hahahaha! next time kay love? heeee! ((:
PRINCESS CARMEN:
(18th oct)
Today I went to NP & met baby for lunch.I finally saw my dear bozonut Annie, upclose & personal.She's so cute lar, flushes red very easily.Like a fuji red apple!& I FORGOT TO TAKE PICTURE WITH YOU, ANNIE!Damn.. missed a chance. ):Next time ok?& keep up that positive thinking, my dear girl! Carmen will be behind you always, just like how you will be behind of Chris & I always! *Yes, I saw that sms. Haha (;*
CLEMENT:
alamak !…long time never talk to anne le…haa…
sat down at atrium with Yilong and Anne and, oh shit time really pass super fast... ...

*thnx.=)

mr rajendra still ah nehs mi.
)(*&^%$#@!
mr chua still cares fer mi.
=D
he wants mi to stay back aftr skool evry week.
so he can supervise mi doing my work.
still the best lecturer i've eva met.
until now he's neva given up on mi.
*sniff*



today while waiting fer mr chua i sat at the lib. alone.
flipping thru my past msges.
EVRY "good morning" from u.
i neva deleted one.
it's lyke the energy dat starts my day.
i look thru dem so frreaking often.
& it's neva once failed to gimme dat feeling.
"i just don't wanna lose you again.
baby i want you to know.. know that..
you're the one who set me free
when you're close to me.
& all that i do is think about a way
to make you stay with me.
you know the way to my heart."
i love tis' part of the song.
it always reminds mi of u.
i need a lifelong courage to love u.
i realli do.
=

damn.
i fear.
i hate lil' miss insecure.
HIDE THE FEAR & SMILE!!! =D

you are a monster.
the worst monster i've ever met.
you bullied me but cared for me at the same time.
i've cried buckets for you but i've also laughed till it hurts with you.
you pushed me away but held on tightly to me.
you're too proud to lose but you still give in.
you look very scary when you frown but very cute when you smile.
you always seem so strong but you still make me feel needed.
you're so unromantic sometimes but you do the sweetest things.
you are always so busy but you'll still appear at my doorstep.
i see people during the day but you always only appear at night.
you seem so serious but yet you'll play with me.
you kicked me in the forehead but you gave me kisses.
you look as though you don't care but you always worry for me.
you made my life alot worse but alot better.
i hate & love you.
you are a monster.
the worst monster i've ever met.
but ever since the day you came into my life.
there's not a day i don't fear you'll leave.
because you are the monster that can make my heart go bozonuts.

that day at the chalet when you were not around with me.
i finally know how being incomplete feels like.
& it's realli scary.
it's scarier than loving a monster.



i'm waiting for the arrival of november.
cos' it's bozo's month!
i wanna cherish EVERY single day of november.
i dunno why.
strangely this year..
i don't ask for much.
ain't looking forward to a grand celebration.
not looking forward to expensive presents.
but something i'm looking forward to very badly.
making my birfdoi wish. =)

ouch.
my heart aches.
time fer a rest!

EARLY IN THE MORNING & I'M PISSED OKAY.
sometimes 'person' realli tink i'm stoopid.
i'm amazed by the way i can find tings out so easily.
argh why do i hafta be so smart?!?!?!?
i've had enuf of those damn(no vulgarities) lies.
evryting i'll just belive half can alr.
or BEST!
pretend to belive. =)

IGNORANCE IS BLISSSSSSS.
& it's realli enuf.

oops.
or maybe i overlook tings?
aiya dun care lah.
i'm too TIRED to bother alr. =D

finalli done!
my 23 alphabets on 23 diffrent-colored A4 paper.
*phew*
r.i.p PILOT marker.
1 min silence.
it must be hard on u. *sniff*
i noe it's not as good as a graffiti artist's work.
but yea, it's bozo's best. =)

oh man!
1day left.
so many tings unprepared.
*crrazy heartbeat*
ony 2 more sleepless nites left.
ENDURE!!

mi & wenwen went to visit chee how @ J8's Best Denki.
dat cuckoo still so yakkity-yak.
good. very good salesman!
i wonder if his armpit still has ony 1 strand of hair hahaha.
i offered him the worm sweet dat i was chewing on..
& he asked mi why aftr so many yrs i'm still eating weird stuff.
makes mi luff tinking abt it haha.
good luck, cheese how!
it's still so clear in my mind how excited u werre 4yrs ago when u showed mi ur 1st strand of armpit hair okay?!? =D

i am TIRED.
happily TIRED.
satisfiedly TIRED.
bozonite!

if i hafta drream again tonite..
pls gimme a good one!!
beats having nitemares.
*.O

suddenly i woke up from my nap.
& suddenly i was tinking.
dat suddenly i wanna change some tings in my life.
suddenly i just feel lyke getting rid of vulgarities.
cos' suddenly i realised i dun lyke the way dey sound.
since my daddy suddenly mentioned abt it.
suddenly i just feel so free from worries.
when i suddenly decided to call & chat wif serene fer hours just now.
& i suddenly undastood alota stuff dat u can't change in life.
dat i neva suddenly tot of all dat bfore.
maybe suddenly i woke up & see the picture.
or suddenly i became a lil' wiser.
suddenly i just miss my hulk alot.
but not so suddenly he must be in his drreams alr.

i dun undastand why dey can affect us lyke tis'.
i dunno if it's a good or bad ting.
but 1 ting i do noe is dat it's taken alot of ourselves away from ourselves.
& we nid alot alot alota time to find ourselves back.
before we actualli forgets who we are. =)

no proper sleep fer 2months.
it's always on my mind.
how i wanna do it, who to call, wat to do, if it's gonna turn out well, if therre's enuf time, wat ifs... ... ...
whoa my energy is drraining by the day!
as it drraws nearer my heart just beats faster.
& my mind can multi-task lyke neva bfore.
no brreaks in between, non-stop.
2 more days to go.
after evryting i can slouch on the couch & haf a good rest. =)
"mission accomplished"

nites all!

EXPLICIT ENTRY
NC16



i hate u NOW!!!
hatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehate
i'm frreaking pissed!!!
grrgrrgrrgrrgrrgrrgrrgrrgrrgrrgrrgrrgrr
i wanna scold you!!!
)(*&^%$#$%^&*()(*&^%$#$%^&*()
i wanna be violent!!!
smacksmacksmacksmacksmacksmacksmacksmacksmacksmacksmacksmacksmack
i wanna type angry lyrics!!!
*ihateunowsogoawayfrommeyou'regonesolongicandobetter*
*ijustwannascream&losecontrolthrowmyhandsup&letitgoforgetabtevryting&runaway*
*you'renotgonnagetanybetta,youwungetridofmineva.*
*i'mascenei'madramaqueeni'mthebestdamntingdatureyeshafevaseen*
*everytingigaveyouiwantevrytingbackbutyou*
i fucking wanna scold fuck cos' i feel fucking pissed i dunno why but it just feels fucking wrong.
fucking knn.
fuck is such an ugly word but i wanna bold it to make it even uglier.

idiot.
i noe i'm pms-ed.
i mean..
it's so obvious rite?
look at the bloody sad posts fer the past few days.
i knew it was gonna come somehow.
knnnnnnnnnnnnn.

okay i LOVE u NOW.
come back to mi.
=)

okayihatetis'feelingplsgetitoffmii'mgettingrealliangrywifmyselfferconstantlybeinglyketis'knn.
alotaqnskiprunningarndmymindbutinidtostop&moveon.
ihatethedoubtsihatetheinsecurityihatemyselffernottrustingenufbutireallihatenotknowingtheanswers.
helpsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

maybe we're trying
trying too hard
maybe we're torn apart
maybe the timing is beating our hearts
we're empty

=)

watta day!
finalli get to lunch wif the B4s.
when dey say abt woon lan & the gf.
cos' dey always stick togeda mah.
so if one of dem goes to the toilet u'll see the other one therre.
i find it so funny hahaha.
neva failed to get teased.
& worse, pushed out into the heavy rain.
HELLO i'm still recovering leh.
haven't had tis' much fun fer a loooong time! =D

joann & the noisies(oops!) came over to my class to look fer mi.
i forgot wat dey mentioned abt the terms of those dirrty words.
but it's realli funny hahaha.
& den mi & joann went to the lib. to chat.
bfore we noe it it's alr time to go home!
i guess therre's alot to catch up on fer the time we 'd lost.
looking forward to lionel's birfdoi party. =)

clement said i'm diffrent from normal people.
the way i act & tink.
dat it's time fer mi to grow up.
but..
is tis' wat u guys realli want?
bozonut to be just lyke the rest?
i dun wish to be un-mi.
sorri.

i was reading some lines from the looney tunes cartoon.
& i realised dat i haf alot to learn.
some of these lines are therre to knock mi awake.

"when you truly care for someone, you don't look for faults, you don't look for answers, you don't look for mistakes. instead, you fight the mistakes, you accept the faults, and you overlook the excuses."

"the measure of love is when you love without measure. in life there are very rare chances that you'll meet the person you love and loves you in return. so once you have it don't ever let go, the chance might never come your way again."

it's better to lose your pride to the one you love, than to lose the one you love because of pride. we spend too much time looking for the right person to love or finding fault with those we already love, when instead we should be perfecting the love we give."

"you can't make someone love you, all you can do is be someone who can be loved, the rest is up to the person to realise your worth."
i tink i realli need to get tis' in my bozohead.
many a times i kip crying cos' i felt dat my love has gone unnoticed.
but i've come to realise dat i've taken his love fer granted as much times.
it's lyke a cat&mouse game.
we're both too stubborn to gif in.
the one who gives in 1st loses.
but i've come to see dat it shldn't be lyke tis'.
tis' way, no matter wat it'll always be one-sided.
& i've had enuf of tis' 1-sided game.
it's getting borring & tiring.
i dun wanna be too proud to lose anymore.
i dun wanna be afraid to love anymore.
darling..
let's just make tis' work once & for all.
okay?
cos' i realli love you.

*wat's scarier?
it's not the tears flowing freely.
it's when the heart aches terribly & u still fake a smile.*

"you can't trust what you can't control"
i found tis' from somewherre i forgot wherre.
sorri i haf a small brrain.
but it's so true rite?
totally agreed.

i...
my love fer u gets stronger evryday.
& it's made it even harder fer mi... ... ...

i guess reality's neva my style.

strangely..
i deleted all fotos of mi wif any of my guy friends.
on friendster.
my own will.
i noe.
bozo will neva do tis' fer a guy rite?
but his arrival..
tis' person.
must be someone so special.
that i've been doing tings i've neva done before.
his importnace has always been brought across to all, no?
it's nothing big.
it's just a girl who wishes to love wif all her heart.

i'm realli toking abt nobody therre.
it's just my own insecurities.
my boifren is good.
no worries. =)

when she calls you..
must therre be a reason?
have you ever thought that it's cos' she's feeling lonely?
have you forgotten how it feels like to delight at her call in the past?
have you thought of how you always wanted her to share her problems with you?
& how you don't feel like listening to all that now?
when she wants to meet you..
must therre be an occasion?
have you forgotten how you had promised you'll make time for her?
do you remember how you'll always want to see her badly?
have you thought of how you always wanted her to have more time for you?
& how you are too busy for all that now?
when she misses you..
do you even miss her?
if you do, isit very hard to tell her that too?
when you think of the unhappy times you had togeda..
do you bother to remember the happy times?
when you see her laugh so often..
have you ever wondered how often does she cry?
when you tell her you don't want her to cry in front of you..
have you thought of how many more times she has cried without you knowing?

i am toking abt nobody herre.
just wanna get stuff off my chest.
giving myself 2 more weeks to feel insecure.
& den i'll just leave evryting as it is.
i'm sick of feeling lyke crrap.

evryone seems to haf alota probs.
their own probs.
& i'm surrounded by all their probs.
& my own.
it's how i started listening to myself.
tis' kinda independence.
i realli dun nid.

sometimes i just feel so let down by the people arnd mi.
i feel so taken advantage of.
dat the layer of my mask just kips getting thicker.
therre's no longer 1 person i can entrust myself to.
it's scary cos' i feel alone.

i dun mind being confidantes to many.
but I NID AN ANGEL OF MY OWN.
when will it eva appear?

wilbur's blog touched mi.
thnku thnku!!

i am back!
cos' i wanna post tis' song it's realli sweeet!!

"Hate That I Love You"
As much as I love you
As much as I need you
And I can't stand you
Must everything you do make me wanna smile
Can I not like you for awhile? (No....)

But you won't let me
You upset me girl
And then you kiss my lips
All of a sudden I forget (that I was upset)
Can't remember what you did

But I hate it...
You know exactly what to do
So that I can't stay mad at you
For too long that's wrong

But I hate it...
You know exactly how to touch
So that I don't want to fuss..
and fight no more
Said I despise that I adore you

And I hate how much I love you boy (yeah...)
I can't stand how much I need you (I need you...)
And I hate how much I love you boy (oh whoa..)
But I just can't let you go
And I hate that I love you so (oooh..)

You completely know the power that you have
The only one makes me laugh
Said it's not fair
How you take advantage of the fact
That I...
love you beyond the reason why
And it just ain't right

And I hate how much I love you girl
I can't stand how much I need you (yeah..)
And I hate how much I love you girl
But I just can't let you go
But I hate that I love you so

One of these days maybe your magic won't affect me
And your kiss won't make me weak
But no one in this world knows me the way you know me
So you'll probably always have a spell on me...

Yeaahhh...
Oohh...

As much I love you (as much as I need you)
As much as I need you (oooh..)
As much I love you (oh..)
As much as I need you

And I hate that I love you so
And I hate how much I love you boy
I can't stand how much I need you (can't stand how much I need you)
And I hate how much I love you boy
But I just can't let you go (but I just can't let you go no..)
And I hate that I love you so
And I hate that I love you so.. so...



Anws i'm watching Black Eyed Peas live on MTV rite now.
ARGH!!!
I sooo wanna go their concert!
Dammit.
I tink can frreaking get high & frreaking sweat & frreaking sccream & dance lyke nobody's frreaking bizness lor!
*sniff*

watta day today.
i feel super duper cooper accomplished!
& i've found a few wow songs!
includes sugababes' About You Now.
& a few of The Click Five's songs.
triple woots!

the corn on the sole of my feet is GONE!!
u noe it's crrazy good news cos' the bonkers doctor told mi i nid to go fer minor surgery.
fer a corn.
on the sole of my feet.
500bucks.
wow.
cos' it will not recover by itself.
Oooo...
i saved 500frreakingbucks. =D

i changed my own bed sheets fer the 1st time since dua bei gong noes how long.
it looks so damn good so i took some pics.
hahaha i got zi lian room.


my bozobed.
yeps i looof LOONEY TUNES.
& dat whale therre..
deardear gave it to mi =)
it snatches the bed wif mi evry nite.

i not so selfish hor!
i changed gene's too.
if u can see clearly our beds haf the same theme.
the ocean. =)

oh & 1 last ting.
some 100.3fm came to the campus today & promote Tanya's songs.
so dey gave us some survey paper & wanted us to circle the song we lyked best.
& i did tis'..


i tink it looks pretty cute haha.
aww.. *shy*

okay i tink i'm feverised now.
time fer some youtube.
buhbye!

the background's been changed cos' i'm looking forward to halloween.
i noe i repeat myself evry.single.year. but..
i realli realli wish dat s'pore will celebrrate halloween.
it'll be so THRILLING!!! =p
den i can drress up as a bozopire or a bozobat.
BITE!! BLOOOD!! *slurp*
haha as i'm saying tis' i rmb how many of those cuckoos will ask mi to just go as myself.
*duh.*

1st week of skool & i skipped the 1st day.
woot.
2nd day.
i tot i'll drag my frreaky feet to skool & i sorta did.
but when i saw those familiar faces..
whoa! i stopped drragging.
those frreaky feet.
class was.. CLASS.
the weird ting is why evrybody so shock i'm in the class?!?
duh.
it's funny yet yawns~.
evry semester i get tis' thnku hor!
anws kinda loving skool fer now.
i realised alota those cuckoos got bike alr..
heh heh heh. =D

just now i entered my home.
& i brreathe the air of my house.
got the MY HOUSE scent lor!
realli feels goood. =)
brrings back memories of when ah sen korkor & guo an korkor oso stayed wif us dat time.
misses.
wheneva i refused to come home & will just emo @ the playground..
ah sen korkor will go down & chat wif mi den trreat mi ice crream.
evryone seems to notice wheneva i'm down.
it feels good to feel loved. =)
at nite we'll order mac's & the whole bunch of korkors will come up to watch soccer.
& disturb bozonut.
so simple.
& yet it takes over the joy of shopping.
ahh..
BACK TO PRESENT.

actualli..
i'm realli afraid of going past 18.
i tink the innocence just fades away as u grrow older.
it's scary.
i kinda forgot the feeling of how i'm contented wif life evry single day.
not afraid of losing anyting or anyone.
evry now & den i still haf tis' feeling.
i want it to stay. =)
the last ting i wanna lose is myself.
my smile, my luffter & my bozo attitude.



no regrets so far.
i'm happy being wif u.
wif u by my side i feel safe.
i'll kip giving my best as long as u're still herre.
i dunno why but i miss u.
i haf sooo much more to say.
but i'll kip dem in my heart. <3

i wish i could tell myself it means nothing to mi.
but it does.
pls dun misundastand mi.
i'm not dat kinda girl.
i guess it's just cos' i love u.
or maybe i dun love myself.

i'm realli not dat kinda girl.
sorri.

hello boinks!!
bozo's back.

i'm soooo pooped!
cos' been wrapping flowers from 10.45am to 5pm.
so silly bonkers scary okay?!?
fer the past 4 weeks i neva tired until i fell asleep in the bus.
but tis' time bozo did!
deardear neva call mi i tink i will continue my nap alr.
been having alota fun wif the mates!! =D
all the poking, staring, whacking, burping(yucks), hiding of my lil' morange, luffing, throwing the flowers arnd...
come to tink of it.
kinda sad it's come to an end.
i tink i pity lil' morange.
it's been acting weird aftr it came back from DDB.
must be those cuckoos kip hiding it & now it's suffering from claustrophobia.
my poor baby. =(
cos' dey hid lil' morange in orange colored places.
now my baby hates its color.
shld i brring it to the doc or sth?
I NID ADVICE!!
anws..
i'll miss the prawn mee hahaha.
the prawn mee aunties recognise mi lor omagod.
cos' i eat prawn mee fer 4 consecutive weeks.
& dey kip asking abt my bozobraces haha.
i'll oso miss the stoopid scent of the flowers & the pail & the yawns~
all dat.
but den!!!
i'm looking forward to getting paid LAH!

1 ting i ain't looking forward to is..
GOING BACK TO SKOOL.
i'm in the same class as market & clem in 1 of the modules!
but my timetable's effed up.
& i'm gonna be tot by dr. rajendra again.
so dat boink's gonna call mi by my indian name again.
yawns~
abit paiseh to see mr gangster chua haha.
cos' he gave mi alota chances to help mi pass my MIIT.
but i kip taking his kindness & frenship fer granted so he failed mi.
aiya but anw i love tis' dude, so dun mind seeing him again.
hmm but the good ting abt tis' sem is i can see the whole of B4 again!
den can lunch & hang out togeda again.
woohoo!!
okay i'm seeing the good in going back to skool now. =)
argh.
PD2.
knn.
changed my mind.
AGAIN.

i tink bozo's learning to fly again.
at times may fall a lil'.
but definitely not a huge one.
somehow it's learnt to take tings a lil' easier.
3 months of efforts in exchange fer a week of true happiness.
ain't dat bad after all. =)
it noes when to be contented.
it doesnt want to hold on so tightly anymore.
not ony suffocating the other it, it's oso suffocating itself.
& it can't be at its best.
i belive no matter wat in the future.
my life will be blessed.
cos' olivya once said so. veron said so. many others said so.
happiness is a choice.
& it's bozo's choice!
just gotta remind myself dat evrytime i fall i gotta pick myself up.
& be tougher than eva.
HA!

thnku all.
i can see a clearer view now. =)

i'm so happy!!
cos' i'm happy. =p
it's ony when i'm happy dat the people arnd mi are happy.
i kinda realised it somehow.
i'm sorry fer having such influential mood heh *shy*.
thnx fer the loves!!!! <3

the fear of losing u was scary.
i dun wish fer it to happen another time.
the thought of how i've hurt u felt much worse.
my bad.
i didn't mean to.

another obstacle omagod.
continue walking ahead.
wif the smile. =)

it's been a bozo week!!
so bozo until i tire myself out evry day.
so therre's no time to actualli come online much.
but it's a good ting haha. =)

just to assure u cuckoos dat bozo is still vry much alive..
so bo bian add 1 more silly entry herre haha.

thnku 老天爷爷 fer EVRYTING dat's been going on lately!! =D
can't say dat it's all perfect..
but it's definitely the BEST so far.
realli feel vry 幸福.

自从跟他在一起。。
总是有不少的不愉快。
但也是有不少的快乐。
有时候的他就是超不可爱。
我不断地会为他哭，担心，害怕，伤心。
可是当他对我好的时候。。
我就会感到很开心，温暖。
看到他的笑容。。
我心里就会有一种很难解释的感觉。
他的笑容让我觉得开心。
我们一点都不像普通的情侣，甜甜蜜蜜的。
三个月就是一直不停的吵。
什么都可以吵。
他有时候真的很凶，无理取闹。
但是他一不理我，我就会觉得怪怪的。
他让我生气伤心的时候。。
我真的很想再也不管他了。
可是总是做不到。
我每次都告诉自己我累了。
真的很想放弃。
因为我觉得跟他在一起感觉不到幸福。
但是。。
我还是一直回到他身边。
我终于了解到了。
虽然他总是让我觉得很不好受。。
可是只有他一个才能让我有这种感觉。
那种又笑又哭又气又怕的感觉。
就是这些感觉。。
让我发现到跟他在一起就是我的幸福了。

可是我。
已经不爱说真心话了。

=p

it feels as though i've fallen from a 13th storey building.
hurt to the bone, half-dead, fully awake.
i guess silly bozo'll just kip falling until the day she wisens up & start flying again. =)
no worries. dat day will come.
cos' i belive it will.
wooot!

i noe i must be realli stoopid rite?
tis' time i've not put my determination to good use.
i've used it against myself.
it has turned into stubborn.
& it hurts much worse than being stabbed by a knife.
my heart.
dat active bozo ting dat's been wif mi fer almost 19yrs..
is dying.
even if it can cure, it'll no longer function the way it used to.
not anymore.

all along my theory was to put in as much effort as i can.
in return of a tiny lil' bit of love.
recognition.
but wake up BOZO!
u tink it's career?!?
it doesn't work tis' way.
in fact, the lesser u put into it, u may not even get hurt!
on the other hand u can try foreva & one day u'll ask urself wat are u doing all tis' while.
it's crrazy rite?
yeps it's crrazy.

i guess friendster hates mi haha.
of all the comments..
it's chosen to delete mine by itself.
& the rest of the other comments still remain the way it is.
so amazing.
i'm sorry friendster if i've offended u in any way.

yeps.
blame it on friendster.
blame it on time.
blame it on everyting.
blame it on bozo.

i've tried!
i guess i realli did.
& i'm tired.
& more alone den eva.
i shldnt be feeling tis' way.
& i did cos' i threw away the love & concern evryone has fer mi.
just to kip dat ONE love dat doesnt seem to haf a place fer mi.
i'm so fucking selfish.

why was i sitting alone at some staircase today?
crying my heart out?
somehow it feels as though history is repeating itself.
the last time i did dat was..
i tink stephy remembers.
it's happening again!!!
but tis' time it felt diffrent.
tis' time..
i didn't fall asleep at the staircase.

i can't belive i dun even dare to go home!!
kills myself.
i was reaching the doorstep & i saw my relatives.
the usual bozo wld be to say HELLO loud loud & start my luffing nonsense again.
today..
i actualli turned & walked away to a corner & hide.
it was unlucky dat dey saw mi alone therre, dunno wat i was doing.
the worse was.
i kip telling dem i'm alrite until i burst into tears.
alrite?!?
yea i cldnt be betta.
it feels sad.
to haf ppl feel sad fer mi.
i'm so sorry.
i guess today my mask was a lil' loose.

i'm so tired dat.
if im playing treasure hunt, i wun wish to noe wat's the treasure anymore.
the diffrence is dat..
u noe the treasure chest is therre & if u follow the route closely u'll find it.
but fer tis'..
u can take the safest route but u'll neva get to the treasure chest.
even if u get to the treasure chest, it'll neva open fer u.
cos' the treasure is TOO precious, TOO perfect, TOO good to be true.
u can try all means to open it.
wif the axe, wif the hammer, wif ur patience..
but at the end of the day all u'll get is a pair of bleeding hands.
& a tired soul.

i undastand.
i undastand fully well.
to mi dat treasure is the best of the best.
irreplacable.
but to dat precious treasure?
it belives therre's betta owners out therre.
& it's not mi.

but dun worry.
even if i fall, i will still LUFF. =)