daddy always say i lyke to look @ tings from 1 angle.
MY point of view.
sometimes.. i agree.
but most of the times i do look @ all angles.
the ting is..
i trust my vry own.
i dunno, maybe i'm stubborn, rebellious, determined, wateva u call it.
times when i ony look @ 1 angle is when i trust someone.
& ppl actualli take my trust fer granted.
i DUN LYKE.
i didn't choose to be simple-minded.
it's the way i am when i trust a person.
pls dun take it dat i'm okay wif anyting just cos' i kept quiet.
cos' most of the time i'm not.
& it wld haf been alot easier if u're not a close fren.

HAPPY 1 YEAR ARAMSA!! =)
omagod it was fun!
i turned up late.
initially catherine asked mi not to do henna tattoo & help wif the billings instead.
ended up i was..
brringing custies arnd, henna tattoo-ing, looking fer my fav. custies, & billing.
oh, & a lil' bit of red wine >.<
i love how some custies can tok to mi lyke a fren!
not all though, but to mi is alot, is enuf. =)
it makes mi love working!
reminds mi i gotta work @ 9am tml.
so wat am i doing herre.. yawns~
anws i love my lil' colleagues!
esp. fiza & JOANNE.
can't wait fer Annie to do facial fer mi.
gosh.

hmm..
clement's serene's gone.
to aussie.
poor dude.
i dunno watta say leh.
but if it's mi i'll cry buckets & miss the other lyke bozonuts.
i'm reminded time & again dat now..
i am attached.
i can't tell u as much as i used to.
cos' i was made to see tis' point by my vry own hero.
& i tink it's true.
u are my partner in crime, brother fer life.
but it's true dat i haf to kip some of my own secrets.
parents are still the closest to mi.

i haf decided to..
-study hard (get the diploma)
-spend more time wif family
-not forgetting frens
-work durring off days
-haf some alone time to myself
-be less dependant on u
-cry only for 2 reasons
-behave myself
-wake up early fer skool
-sleep early
-listen to u
-spend time wif u when u nid mi
*cos' dats wat u want.
& i listen.
aftr evryting, daddy & moomoo 1st place yes.
& u are just right beside dem. =)
dat's how important u are to mi.
& no matter how u want mi to change dat..
just lemme be stubborn fer tis' one.

happy 1 month, my love. <3

i miss u lyke crrazy.
i miss ur smile, ur luffter, the way u look @ mi..
evry single ting abt u.
it makes mi cry knowing how much u mean to mi.
& it makes mi smile knowing how well u undastand mi.
it makes mi luff tinking abt evry crrazy tings we do togeda.
it drrives mi nuts missing u.
thnku for making my life complete, my love.
bolster misses her owner!!! >.<





4 In The Morning

Waking up to find another day
The moon got lost again last night
But now the sun has finally had its say
I guess I feel alright

But it hurts when I think
When I let it sink in
It's all over me
I'm lying here in the dark
I'm watching you sleep, it hurts a lot
& all I know is
You've got to give me everything
Nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' over everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

All I wanted was to know I'm safe
Don't want to lose the love I've found
Remember when you said that you would change
Don't let me down
It's not fair how you are
I can't be complete, can you give me more?
& all I know is
You got to give me everything
& nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' over everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

Oh please, you know what I need
Save all your love up for me
We can't escape the love
Give me everything that you have

& all I know is
You got to give me everything
& nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' over everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

(Give you everything)
(Give you all of me)

*eh brother!
thnx fer evryting too.
trust mi.
nobody can fit mi as perfectly as tis' guy does. =)
ur blessing is all i nid.

omagod all the late nites haf finalli got mi down!!
i'm feeling ugly now.
pimple popped out a few, sniffing, tired & weak.
yucks yucks yucks.
but hehheh..
all worth it. =)

dun wish to go skool today.
sick of skool.
miss my simple life.
i feel lyke being a couch potato.
cosy up to the couch & watch chick flicks.
wooot!!
good idea. will do just dat later.

missing my baby.
hahaha & the crrazy tings we did dat night at marina.
omagod.
i tink i finalli found dat someone willing to go all nuts wif mi.
i realli lyke how we can dun gif a care abt the world.
cos' when we're brreaking the rules togeda..
all i see is u & mi.
lyke.. i forgot all the dangers haha.
it's fun!! & i love u so much more.


damn, i'm so addicted to u. <3

TOMORROW'S BOZONUT DAY.
13/07/07 FRIDAY

in the morning, i was feeling wow!
so i started the entry peacefully.
but den clement nid to use my adaptor.
den 1 sentence & i fell asleep haha.
i noe so cuckoo.
den i woke up rite..
no longer feeling peaceful.
i felt..
bozonutty.
den we went fer lunch.
& now i'm back. =)

whole day was blasting to yellowcard.
i dunno why now i listen back to the songs..
dey sound AWESOME!!
is lyke dey gimme the 'beach' feeling.
it feels GRREAT!
esp. Back Home.

it took mi so long to be back.
cos' therre's alot to be done.
so many tings i nid to get dem back in place.
esp. studies & my daily life.
i noe my studies haf been vry much badly affected cos' of my distractions.
i dun wanna disappoint my parents but i feel dat i dun haf the study mood anymore.
i noe i noe. final year le mah. dun waste papa mama $$$.
dat's why now i'll try my best k?

work.
i noe i disappoint manager & alot others.
cos no heart to work.
den wat concentrate on studies & pah-tor-logy.
i dun wish to stop work cos.
i'll miss my colleagues.
& all who dote on mi!!
so i wun no heart le okay?
i'll work hard. =)

therre's tis' stage when i dunno wat i want.
unsure of life & cldn't pick myself up cos' i'm lacking wat i used to haf.
my confidence.
but strangely it came back fer mi & it rocks! =)
it's amazing how 1 ting can take up so much of ur energy dat u no longer haf any fer the rest.
it's truly amazing.
& dat's wat it WAS doing to mi.
the insecure side of mi just acted up lyke sooo crrazy i dun even see myself.
i'm so glad it's finalli over.
& tis' time i do mean FINALLI.

getting my confidence back..
i unintentionalli hurt a certain someone.
i can say dat i dun mean it.
i just tot i nided a listening ear & someone to be therre.
& my fear of hurting u, actualli hurt u more.
i guess i failed to see dat cos' i was too caught up in myself.
u deserve a 100% & dat's not wat i can gif.
& i'm realli sorri cos' u're a realli realli grreat person.
it's good to get back on wif ur life.
cos' u haf a grreat future ahead of u & i'm sure of dat. =)
thnku so much fer being therre when i was realli down.

i haven been a good gal lately.
didn't help out wif housework.
going home latelate.
didn't ask gene how's his skoolwork.
neva show concern fer mama.
haven catched up wif gene & his outside life.
any new gals?
any new tricks?
all the stoopid silly tings he's doing outside?
chat & luff until morning..
cos' evrytime i reached home he's alr sleeping or maple-ing.
i miss listening to him tok abt his life & his gals & how he scolds mi fer being stoooopid.
& the tings he do dat i'll neva see, his concern fer his dear old sister.
i miss hugging my brother & walking home wif him from work.
okay i'll grrab it back again =)
even though we're living under 1 roof..
i miss my family.
cos' i haven been spending enuf time wif dem.
daddy gave mi 3 books to read & i haven touched it yet!!
i promise to read it k?
i noe those books are vry important. =)

besides going out wif wenwen evry week..
& seeing clement evryday.
& market twice a week..
i seem to haf neglected my other frens.
sorrrrrrri!!
i promise, i realli realli promise dat aftr my retests, durring the hols.
i will catch up wif evry one i can tink of haha.
gosh.
esp. korkor, renerene, lynn, stephy, best, celina..
i noe i noe sorrri!!
if i can i'll oso wanna mit up SEFT!
i nid a good old jamming session wahaha.
alrite so to all..
i neva disappear okay guys?
i just nid to get evryting back into place bfore i can enjoi evry single moment wifout worries.
hee.
miss mi & u'll haf mi sooooooon.
i promise!!
*i'm feeling so damn guilty haha*


okay i just saved the best fer the last. =D
u are occupying my mind lyke evry single second of the day & it rocks.
i dunno who u've turned mi into but..
it does feel good!! =)
not so much at the beginning cos' of so many unsure tings.
but rite now it's lyke... whoa!
it's the best feeling.
i can't belive at how short a time we're togeda but..
u're alr a huge part of mi.
it's crrazy.
i put myself in front of evryting else.
but it's u i put in front of myself.
silly i noe.
but tis' is the path i've chosen against all odds & until now therre's no regrets.
i can't remember evry super single lil' details u haf done.
but i realli tried to save dem all in my puny lil' memory.
& i wun lose the memory, neither will i throw it into the recycle bin.
even if not enuf memory space i will insert memory card.
cos' it's ALL so important to mi.
of course, wat's most important of all is u, my dear.
it's YOU.
no matter how unsure the road ahead is..
pls hold my hand & walk wif mi.
iloveu. <3

ohaiyo gozaimasu!!
ahh..
watta grreat day.
i mean.. seriously!
cos' i've found the problem.
it doesn't lie wit anyone.
it lies wit mi.
it took mi 1000 courages to come to term wit tis'.
& it rocks!!! =p

guess i was too wuss to be comfortable in my own bozoskin.
cos' evryting oso I TOT I TOT I TOT.
yea stoopid.
i forgot why people lyked to be arnd mi.
i forgot how good it feels to be diffrent.
i forgot how to not care how others see mi.
i forgot wat it's lyke to be wifout worries.
i forgot how to be crrazy.
& most importantly, i forgot to be happy.
cos i TOT TOT TOT.

i TOT u'll lyke mi to be just lyke other gals.
so i was afraid to luff lyke nobody's biz, tok rubbish, act lyke a monkey, be a frreak..etc.
& den i turned into tis' super sweet, too-good-to-be-true, quiet, shy, weak..etc. person i dun even recognise.
all just to please u.
i mean i TOT dat's wat u wanna see, wat u want mi to be.
i TOT by being the ideal kinda gal u'll lyke mi more.
so i tried so hard it takes up so much of my energy.
& the bozo side of mi.
cos' all along i just kip TOT-ing.
when the actual fact is..
i'm afraid to show u the real mi.

it took mi more than a month to wake up to tis' shizz.
to realise dat tings are getting way out of hand.
cos' evrytime i tink of how u'll react when u see who i realli am..
i tink i'm just afraid to noe how u'll react haha.
but i realli miss myself.

i miss how i dun gif a damn abt the world.
i miss how i can do the stoopidest tings just to luff.
i miss seeing ppl luff at mi.
i miss noe-ing how ppl lyke mi fer who i am.
i miss being boyish.
i miss being a bozonut.

i lyke u more than anyting else.
guess dat's why i'm acting tis' way.
but it's doing mi more harm than good.
cos' i become more & more insecure.
come to tink of it.
i'm selfish.
i do all tis' just to kip u by my side.
but it's not right.
i'm doing it the wrong way & i'm sorry.
fer lying.

from tis' moment on i'm back to being bozonut.
tis' is who i realli am.
can u accept it?

*u frreaking mean the world to mi.
i bet u neva noe dat.*

i feel so small.
=

u appeared thrice in my drream omagod.
3 diffrent nites.
it's scary.

i'd do anyting.
just to haf dat feeling once again.
>.<